World of Warcraft: The Wanderings of Zach and Co
by ZB3000
Summary: Book 1 of 6. A group of friends from Earth have mysteriously found themselves in Azeroth. Action, adventure, comedy, and romance await them as they meet characters both familiar and original in the struggle to save both worlds from an evil queen. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**World of Warcraft: The Wandrings of Zach ****(and Co.)**

**Written By: Wyatt Clark**

**Co-Written By: Zachary Bearg and ****911GuiltyJerk (AKA Tom)**

**Assistance By: Hunter Clark**

**(WARNING: Story contains violence, language (the more offensive words censored), usage of alcohol and drugs (to some extent), and some minor adult themes)**

**Disclaimer:** This chapter was written by These Three Jerks Productions. World of Warcraft, along with its characters, locations, and elements, are property of Blizzard Entertainment. We are a non-profit writing team who intends not to sell works copyrighted by their respective companies, but borrow elements from them to entertain others in the form of our works.

**Chapter 1: "And So it Begins... YODA... Y-O-D-A, YODA."**

Zach awoke in his bed only to see a chandelier of candles on the ceiling where his fan used to be.

_What the heck is a chandelier doing in my room?_

He looked around and saw that his entire room was screwed up. It was like some sort of medieval bedroom.

Zach rose from his bed and looked into the nearby mirror. He saw that he was no longer wearing his pajamas, but a semi-traditional medieval attire, complete with brown leather boots, a pair of blue cotton pants, a tight, bright-yellow colored long sleeve shirt, a belt, and a brown leather vest. He looked at himself in shock, wondering how he got to wearing these clothes.

Zach then proceeded to look around his room for a bit. He came upon a letter on his desk, addressed to "Sir Zachary of Potshire".

_Sir Zachary of POTSHIRE??? What the hell is this?! What happened to Yacolt?_

He opened the letter and read...

_Dear Lowly Subject,_

_This is a message to proclaim that all who receive this letter must bow_

_before the Shadow Queen and proclaim that she is the most powerful and_

_beautiful being in the world!_

_Long live the Shadow Queen!_

_Manchaff Assolbonk_

_Head of the Royal Department of Public Relations_

As Zach finished reading, he was overcome with confusion. Who was this Shadow Queen? How did his room get transformed? Has the same happened to everything else? Is his family alright? These questions plagued Zach's mind to no end and he yearned for an answer soon.

He preceded though his house finding only stranger things than before. In the kitchen, he found his grandma serving mead to a bunch of fat, ugly, little dwarves.

"Grandma, what are these PEOPLE doing here?!"

"They're customers, honey."

"Customers?" Zach stood there bewildered.

"Yes, this is an Inn, remember?"

He did not reply to this. His grandma then went back to work. Zach went to get his coat and keys to go to Hunter's house to see if his friends, Hunter, Tom, and Wyatt, were ok. But instead of his coat and keys he discovered a traveler's cloak and a short sword in their place. He looked at the items with fascination.

"Interesting..." He tucked the sword in his belt, put on the cloak, and went outside, only to find his house among a huge forest. He also noticed that his car had been replaced with a horse, and that the asphalt road was now made out of cobblestone. Zach decided that he should check the mail before he went. He found another letter for him, only this one was from Wyatt.

_Hey Zach, have you noticed anything strange? If you have, I just found_

_out why! Somehow or another the entire world has become a sort of game world!_

_Come over to my house pronto so we can get to the bottom of this._

_-Wyatt_

_PS: And HURRY UP!!!_


	2. Chapter 2

**World of Warcraft: The Wandrings of Zach (and Co.)**

**Written By: Wyatt Clark**

**Co-Written By: Zachary Bearg and ****911GuiltyJerk (AKA Tom)**

**Assistance By: Hunter Clark**

**(WARNING: Story contains violence, language (the more offensive words censored), usage of alcohol and drugs (to some extent), and some minor adult themes)**

**Disclaimer:** This chapter was written by These Three Jerks Productions. World of Warcraft, along with its characters, locations, and elements, are property of Blizzard Entertainment. We are a non-profit writing team who intends not to sell works copyrighted by their respective companies, but borrow elements from them to entertain others in the form of our works.

**Chapter 2: First Blood**

Zach mounted his horse and rode off into the woods. Fortunately for him, the world was only changed visually; the roads still lead to the same places. Since he was on a horse, the trip took longer. Within a half hour, Zach was a mile away from what he believed to be his town of Yacolt, but then, tragedy struck!

Zach's horse had tripped on a giant rat-like creature, knocking Zach off onto the ground. The horse went berserk and ran off in a random direction. Zach got up and looked at the little rodent. It was somewhat humanoid, it was two feet tall, had beady eyes, and a snout that stuck out about seven inches. It brandished a pickaxe and waddled over to Zach, chattering some insane gibberish (which sounded to Zach like a crazed Buddhist on crack). Zach drew his sword and took a stab at the creature. The creature fell back squealing in pain. When it got back up though, it began squeaking in some sort of language, which for some reason Zach understood, and it sounded like, "You no take candle!"

It waddled a few steps and took a swing at Zach. Zach jumped back and countered with a jumping overhead slash. The slash cut the thing in half from the head down. Zach grabbed a handkerchief, wiped the blood off his sword, sheathed it, and walked the rest of the way towards what he expected to find to be Yacolt.

To his shock, Yacolt had been completely transformed, right down to the name of it; the town sign read "Welcome to Potshire". Zach looked around to see what other changes have been made. So far he was surprised; Yacolt, that is, Potshire, was transformed from a modern day small town, to a half medieval marketplace, half marijuana plantation. Zach knew that he had to turn back and take the road to the north to where Wyatt was, but he couldn't help but look around the marketplace. After walking around for a few minutes, a woman who seemed to be in her twenties, dressed in a brown peasant's gown, approached him.

"Help me!" She cried. "My dog has chocolate poisoning! Please find the Antidote and save him!"

"Uh, sorry," Zach replied, confused. "But that's not really my problem."

"PLEASE!" She wailed, grasping Zach's ankle. "I don't have any money to buy an Antidote! Please, save my poor dog! I can't live without poor Elmo!"

"Ok, OK!" Zach shook her off. "I'll get it!"

"Oh, thank you!" With that, Zach ran into one of the shops that sold various herbs and medication. During his run he couldn't stop thinking about how ridiculous the dog's name was.

"Elmo... Elmo? Elmo?! Freaking ELMO!?" Zach said to himself out loud.

"I'm not Elmo!" The peddler that Zach was approaching retorted. "Name's Ernie."

Zach shrugged and went up to the peddler to ask him where the chocolate poisoning antidote was. The peddler took a strange leaf and said that it would instantly cure any chocolate poisoning, and will sell it for twenty bronze.

"Bronze...?" Zach stood there, confused. He reached for his wallet and found that his pennies had turned into pieces of bronze. Zach took twenty pieces and gave them to the peddler. He then took the medicine and went back to the woman.

"Did you get the Antidote?" The woman asked.

"Yeah, here it is." Zach handed her the Antidote, at the same time thinking, _crazy broad..._

"Oh, bless you, kind sir!" She jumped for joy and then went to her dog, which was lying on the ground, almost dead. She rammed the Antidote down his throat and the dog gagged and swallowed it. Instantly the dog jumped to his feet, wagging his tail in a healthy manner.

"Elmo! You're ok!" The woman hugged the dog tightly, so tightly the dog almost suffocated. She then turned to Zach. "May I have your name, sir?"

"Sure. It's Zach."

"Sir Zach," The woman began. "I cannot thank you enough for saving my dear Elmo! All I have is this..." The woman reached inside one of her pockets and pulled out a potion of a fiery red substance. She gave the potion to Zach, saying she found it while walking her dog, and had no idea what to do with it.

"Do you know what this does?" Zach asked.

"No, I don't. An alchemist might though; why don't you go find one and have him examine it? It might help you on your journey."

"I see... thank you." With that Zach went off towards Hunter and Wyatt's house.


	3. Chapter 3

**World of Warcraft: The Wandrings of Zach (and Co.)**

**Written By: Wyatt Clark**

**Co-Written By: Zachary Bearg and ****911GuiltyJerk (AKA Tom)**

**Assistance By: Hunter Clark**

**(WARNING: Story contains violence, language (the more offensive words censored), usage of alcohol and drugs (to some extent), and some minor adult themes)**

**Disclaimer:** This chapter was written by These Three Jerks Productions. World of Warcraft, along with its characters, locations, and elements, are property of Blizzard Entertainment. We are a non-profit writing team who intends not to sell works copyrighted by their respective companies, but borrow elements from them to entertain others in the form of our works.

**Chapter 3: SHAZAM! **

Zach was able to reach Hunter's house and the "weapon shop" shortly after his doggy rescue quest. Upon entering he was amazed and a little disgusted at a four foot tall pile of those dead rat things; amazed because it must have taken a while to achieve a pile that high. The next thing he saw was Victoria (Hunter and Wyatt's mom) standing by a large pot, brewing what looked like some sort of stew with Hunter and Wyatt getting ready to throw Tom in.

When he saw Zach, Wyatt called out to him with slight tension, "Hey Zach! Did you get my letter?"

"Yeah!" Was Zach's response.

After greetings were exchanged, Hunter got right down to business. "Zach, go pick out some junk from that pile of stuff." Hunter said, pointing at a pile of assorted equipment. "Pick some garbage that is appropriate to your style of battle."

Zach walked over to the pile of stuff (presumably taken from all the dead rat-people) and picked out a wooden shield, as well as a studded leather vest. After he had all of his stuff chosen and put on, he walked to the table that the others were at and sat down.

"What now?" Zach asked with a sigh.

Tom spoke up for the first time.

"Well, I'd say we kill the old bag. Knowing how crap like this works, killing her will be our ticket out of this wacked out world."

Wyatt, who had gotten up to help his mom with cooking, came back to the table with a tray of cookies and asked, "Where do you think we'll find this person?"

"Knowing fantasy," Zach said. "I'd say we'll have to go to a big castle." No sooner had the words come out of his mouth, a bright flash of light emitted from the dinner table accompanied by a wooshing "SHAZAM!" sound. And then most disturbing of all, a purple humanoid with large ears and shoulder length blue-ish purple hair appeared standing on the table. Everybody at the table was shocked...

... because this elf-like person was nearly undressed except for a pair of briefs! The elf calmly and without shame said, "I have a message to you all from the Shadow Queen. She says that since you have basically said that she can "get stuffed", she has made it so that all but the ugliest creature in all the land will attempt to kill you."

After a few seconds of staring in disbelief, the group recognized this person as an unfortunate acquaintance: the notorious "Shazamer", Kieth. The obvious question was from Tom, who had recovered from the shock first.

"Who is the ugliest creature in the land??"

"Yeah." Hunter added.

"Me!" Kieth replied, looking somewhat chipper still.

Wyatt, now recovered from the near life ending shock, said, "Well if it isn't the Shazamer himself," And then in the same breath, asked, "why the bloody hell do you only have your underpants on?!"

'Shazamer' was a nickname which had been given to Kieth by Zach, but it appeared that it had seemed to have had more effect than originally predicted.

"Because I just got up," Kieth said sarcastically stated. "And I just put my clothes in the washing machine."

In another "SHAZAM!" of light, Kieth disappeared.

All shock aside, Wyatt bluntly stated, "Well, let's go get this Shadowy-old-battle-axe!"


	4. Chapter 4

**World of Warcraft: The Wandrings of Zach ****(and Co.)**

**Written By: Wyatt Clark**

**Co-Written By: Zachary Bearg and ****911GuiltyJerk (AKA Tom)**

**Assistance By: Hunter Clark**

**(WARNING: Story contains violence, language (the more offensive words censored), usage of alcohol and drugs (to some extent), and some minor adult themes)**

**Disclaimer:** This chapter was written by These Three Jerks Productions. World of Warcraft, along with its characters, locations, and elements, are property of Blizzard Entertainment. We are a non-profit writing team who intends not to sell works copyrighted by their respective companies, but borrow elements from them to entertain others in the form of our works.

**Chapter 4: Skirmish **

The group debated over staying and getting supplies or just going off and killing everything they find. After much debating they decided to supply themselves before heading out the find the Shadow Queen. Hunter had equipped himself with a steel breastplate, a helmet, and a comically huge, two-handed hammer. Tom took another breastplate, no helmet, and instead of a hammer, took a simple flanged mace, as well as an iron shield. Kieth had shazamed back to join their party. This time, Kieth was wearing a pair of cotton pants, leather boots, leather gloves, and a studded leather vest--all black in color. As for weapons he sported a bow, a quiver of several arrows, and a dagger (This layout was similar to Wyatt's except that Wyatt had a sort of Dwarven muzzle loader called a "blunderbuss").

Soon after Kieth returned they left to go on their 'glorious quest'. They traveled past the path Zach had taken, past Potshire, and went down into the forest heading towards the next town, Moonbrook. The trip went smoothly until they came upon a rather large camp of Kobold miners. The hid behind brush from several yards away to form up a strategy.

"I count about twelve Kobold; eleven normal ones and one geomancer." Wyatt stated in a worried tone.

"Oh, so that's what those things are." Zach said, remembering the Kobolds in World of Warcraft when he watched Tom and Wyatt play it.

"Be quiet!" Hunter urged Zach. "Now, I say that Wyatt and Kieth should distract the things with their ranged arsenal while Zach charges at the heathens with his sword, while me and Tom come up and club them with our mallets and such!"

There were no objections to this plan. Everybody moved slowly and quietly into position, thankful that Kobolds were so stupid. After about ten minutes of moving and hiding, Kieth and Wyatt were hidden by some dense underbrush, with the rest of the group waiting up behind some trees, weapons ready.

Wyatt gave a count down, when Wyatt yelled "Now!" Kieth and Wyatt opened fire on the Kobold. Kieth got a lucky shot and hit one of the kobold in the mouth, while Wyatt's shots seemed to miss the target but get some other Kobold. When the rat-like creatures recovered from the confusion, and realized where the shots were coming from they charged at the no longer hidden pair of snipers. Once they had almost reached Kieth and Wyatt's hiding spot, Zach and Tom jumped at them from behind their cover. Tom knocked a Kobold's head off, and Zach chopped another one's head off. Meanwhile Hunter came charging up and smashed several of the creatures into gooey, blood-gushing pancakes. Zach parried the slash of a Kobold and kicked the huge rat in the face, effectively breaking its neck and causing blood to gush out of its mouth as it fell on the ground dead.

Just as the battle was looking up a blast of molten rock had hit Wyatt's shin, he emitted a loud, piercing cry that made everything on the battle field pause. Hunter turned and saw the geomancer's hands glowing; he picked up a large rock and threw it at the ugly rat creature, breaking the creature's right leg. This action was too late as yet another chunk of magma was sent flying from the geomancer's hands, this time hitting Tom's left arm. During this chaos that had Zach stunned, a Kobold miner took his pick and put a nail sized hole in Zach's boot. Luckily, it only hit between his toes, so Zach was only alarmed by it. He then promptly dropped his shield, pried the pick out with his sword, grabbed the Kobold by the throat, lifted it into the air, and then slammed it into the ground. The 'chokeslam' broke a few bones in the Kobold, but it was still breathing; Zach made sure it wouldn't breathe again by stabbing it in the heart with his sword, finishing it off and then picking his shield back up.

Hunter swung at the geomancer, but it was a bit too agile, despite its broken leg. The geomancer's hands glowed again, and Hunter braced for pain, but then an arrow hit the Kobold in the throat and a gun shot rang out. The Kobold fell dead, a hole in its chest and an arrow in its throat.

Hunter turned and saw Wyatt with a smoking rifle. Zach and Kieth mopped up while Hunter looted the already dead Kobold. Tom patched up his own arm with some linen bandages made from cloth which had been appropriated from some of the Kobold, and then he patched up Wyatt. After moving the bodies away, the group prepared to camp out for the night.


End file.
